Your Betrayal
by Lady of the Phoenix
Summary: He committed the worst sin a Turk can, and there will never be forgiveness enough to wipe it away.


Author's Note: Been thinking long and hard about this one since that day in October. For what one? Well, go read Betrayal by V666 on y!gallery. I read it. I was moved. I asked if she would mind me doing a bit of a story to go with it. She said YES! So, I've been thinking and thinking and thinking of where to go with this. It hasn't been easy. It's out of order, it's done in real time and two SEPARATE flashbacks and it's really emo and it's probably STILL not as good as the poem, despite my best efforts to do the thing right.

One of the flashbacks is done via the italics. The other relies upon the bold italics.

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Your Betrayal

The only thing that kept him going right now was the repetitive, almost soothing 'beep beep beep' and 'whirrrrrrrrrrrrrr' and 'plop plop plop' of the monitors and machines and IVs around him. Well, not around him really, around the crimson maned angel laid out on the hospital bed. As long as the machines kept beeping and whirring and plopping, Rude was pretty sure that his own heart would keep beating and his lungs breathing and his body living. Sure, he might not require the use of those machines to live, but Rude knew that they were, indirectly, keeping him alive too. Maybe they didn't force his lungs to fill with each life giving breath, but they gave him a reason to breathe.

His hand reaches out for the one that is far to pale, almost blending with the stark white sheets, but the distance never seems to end. Even were he to place his hand in Reno's the distance between them would still be impossible. Nothing short of a miracle could bridge the rift now, and Rude wasn't even sure he was worthy of believing in such a miracle. It was his fault Reno was here after all. His and only his. Not the fault of Reno, or the man he found with Reno, right? Despite all the lies and empty promises, it was Rude's fault, not theirs. It could never be Reno's fault anyway. Right?

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_Knock knock knock. A simple request banged out against the standard steel on steel doors of their dormitories. A door identical to any other door in the hall save for who lived behind it, secure and safe. This door was the most unique of the bunch. Because it never seemed to matter just what time it was on the outside. Noon, three in the afternoon, three at night, the light was always on. No one knew why that was, but it never changed. Tseng might threaten and Rufus discipline, but that light was always on, even when the resident of the rooms wasn't there. Always a light, maybe fighting away the darkness on the edges of their minds and souls. Even he didn't know why the light was on really, it was one of the very rare topics they didn't discuss. Pretty much everything else was fair game, and when they were together neither ran short on words._

_But tonight, tonight was different. The light, Reno's light, wasn't on. There was no tell-tale glimmer peeking out from under the door, no shadow constantly flickering past it from Reno moving around or anything of the sort. Three am and no light. Something was wrong, and the idea that Reno hadn't come to him almost hurt. Then again, it wasn't as if he had been around for Reno to come to. He'd been in Costa, doing a mission only he could at their boss's bidding, but… Damnit Reno could have CALLED or something. Rude was always ready to talk after all. Hell, Tseng often yelled at them for talking too much. But they were kids and there was nothing the Wutain could do about it. Rude, on the other hand, intended to do something about that lack of light._

_So he had knocked. Once, twice, thrice. There was no sound of life in the room, no nothing for a while. Breath was held in hopes that he'd hear something past that sound resistant door, and eventually, he was sure that there was something. A lock clicked, sliding out of place and a knob spun, opening to the sight of a beautiful youth, with hair like fire and eyes like ice and a body like sin itself. And the look in those eyes, what a look. So sad, so afraid, so needy. At a loss for words for the first time in his life Rude just entered the dark when Reno made the slightest of gestures with his eyes. Apparently words weren't always needed to communicate._

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**_There was no need to knock. Neither did these days. Instead there were subtle signs to get the message across. A conversation that meant one thing to outsiders and something else to them. A light on at a certain time or off at others that was practically in invitation. A look shared, full of heat and love and devotion, assuring them that though they met less and less often, the feelings were still THERE. At least, that was what he thought. So when he saw the lack of light under Reno's door, he thought… he assumed…But, they said things about assuming stuff right? Made an ass out of you and me right?_**

**_When his fingers touched the cold metal door he was surprised to find it creak open just the slightest bit. Just like Reno was loath to turn the lights out, he never forgot to lock the door. It was a basic of a Turk's life. Yes you went though danger every day of your life as a Turk but that didn't mean you felt SAFE. When you were alone at night there were some things that made you paranoid. It took either your partner somewhere nearby or a locked door to give you comfort enough to sleep. So for it not to be locked, not even closed properly… Rude pulled back on his gloves, which he'd yanked off the second he'd gotten back from VP guard duty and slowly stepped into the room. _**

**_He wasn't met by the sight of icy mako eyes turned on him, or even the delicately boned face of the man he had given his heart to. In fact, he saw nothing at all, and it wasn't his shades that were to blame. There was just nothing to see in the living room. But he could hear, dear gods how he could hear. The soft cries of pleasure, the whispered assurances of love and devotion, whispers that were really shouts, but only Rude was supposed to know that. Only Rude got to hear that. Except now it wasn't only Rude was it? The Turk clenched his fits and shuffled over to the couch to sit down, to fight back tears. He couldn't stand to face his partner just yet._**

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He hadn't said a word since that call to Tseng, hadn't been able to find his voice. Odd really, considering the fact that he used to talk and laugh and yell more than Reno. Now he couldn't even find the words. There used to be so many, bubbling and cheerful and hopeful, and full of love. Now… They were all cold, dead, worthless now. Reno wouldn't be the only one changed from this whole experience. Rude might have been the attacker, but he too had died inside. Died for more reasons than the betrayal Reno had laid upon him.

"Rude?" The words floated through the air, but Rude didn't get his hopes up for even a second. The voice was that of Tseng, not of Reno.

"…" There was no response he could come up with. Couldn't explain himself, couldn't explain why, couldn't say anything. If he didn't stay cold, didn't stay hard as steel and cynical, it would all crush him under its weight.

"Maybe… you should see a doctor as well."

Rude shook his head. He knew that he wasn't hurt physically. And the other pain… He deserved it.

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_Even though it was dark, Rude knew that Reno's eyes were closed. He knew because his own eyes were closed. It wasn't the kind of kiss that you kept your eyes open for. So hot, so sweet, like cherry pie fresh out of the oven. Hit the spot like brandy on a cold winter night. There was only one word for that moment: perfect. Rude wrapped his arms around the slender man and pulled him close. _

"_Rude," the young man purred, leaning against his partner, just taking a moment to inhale him, "Take me. I want you. Tonight, every night, forever." _

_He could do little more than hold tight to that hand in his as he followed the red-haired Turk into the bedroom. Some part of his mind said that the only reason Reno had left the light off was to lure him in, but his body didn't care, didn't want to care. Tonight was about them, about this. And for once, they felt like the world lay at their feet, that they were truly in control._

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_**Finally Rude stood, fists still clenched even though his favorite leather gloves were wet with his tears. He hadn't been able to do much but cry. To find his own lover, his own partner, in bed with another man was bad enough. But to hear the same whispered words, the same promise of 'tonight, every night, forever' panted while they moved… Rude felt sick. Just sick. He wasn't sure if he should throw up or just take his gun out and shoot himself. In the end there was another choice altogether. **_

**_It wasn't likely that either saw them before he was upon them. There was nothing held back. His pain, his fury, his fists acting before his mind could stop them. Reno pinned against the wall by one strong hand, fingers bruising his shoulder as he whimpered in pain, as Rude punched his own partner in the gut. As he yelled and screamed, as words he never thought he could say were thrown at his partner. Whore. Slut. Cheating bitch. The large man didn't even react when whoever Reno was bedding punched him in the back. Instead he just dropped Reno and slapped the other man aside. Amazing how fast the coward ran before an enraged Turk._**

"_**Listen Rude," Reno coughed, blood dribbling down his chin, "It's not what you…"**_

"_**Don't you DARE Reno! Don't you dare lie to my fucking face like this! How did you think I'd react to you fucking with another man?! Were you ever going to fucking tell me? Going to leave me hanging you whore, or throw me out like yesterday's garbage?"**_

_**The blows didn't end until Reno stopped whimpering in pain…**_

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"When…" the shaded man choked out, "When did it happen Reno? When did I stop mattering to you?"

There was no response from the red-head. All Rude had was the beeps and whirrs and plops to keep him company. It was all he deserved really. No one told him what was going on either, he didn't have the right to know any more. The doctors all thought it was some mission that did this. Only Rude knew. Rude and Tseng. Only Rude would have to live with the guilt though, knowing what he had done to his lover.

Mirrored sunglasses reflected every flash of green on the heart monitor while his heart beat in time with Reno's.

"You always said you loved me," Rude mumbled. "I always believed it. But now I have to wonder… Was it all just empty words?"

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_Afterwards they laid there, the lithe little demon held tight in the arms of his partner… his lover. All Rude could do was smile at the peace in that sleeping face. Now he looked like an angel, he really did. Not a Turk, not a murderer or a sinner. He was just some sweet innocent kid laying in his arms. It was all Rude could do not to cry at the beauty of the sight. _

_This was the second time he admired that face tonight. The first had been moments before a nightmare had sent the youth shaking, and Rude had gently woken him, kissing away the tears and the fears. In the darkness he soothed away the pain with whispered promises of forever, and the lengths he would go to for Reno's safety. But there was nothing like what Reno had whispered when he nodded off once more._

"_I love you Rude," he had breathed, voice barely there and sounding like sleep. The words still rang in Rude's ears an hour later._

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At last he stood, unable to look upon that innocent and youthful face once more. Even now, years later, that simple statement, those breathy words echoed in his head.

'_I love you Rude.'_

"You know what Reno?" Rude said as he reached the door of the room, his back to the bed. "Even after all of that… After all that love and hope I tried to give you… You're still a liar."


End file.
